I Got Plenty of Nothin’…
January 26th, 2008 by 
Caroline Spector
I wish there was a Weekly Roundup today, but I’m afraid that the house remodeling adventures of the last two weeks have left me drained of my sanity, energy, and what little I have that passes for wit.
Remodeling, even the “easy” kind we’re doing (replacing our old, animal-ravaged carpets with new hardwood floors and painting), is a nightmare. It’s particularly tough at Casa Spector because The Dude and I are packrats. The only difference between the two of us is that I tend to collect small stuff like vintage jewelry and The Dude has kept every piece of paper, toy, game, and hang tag that has ever touched his fingers. This can add up.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but trying to move the, hrummmm, stuff out of The Dude’s room was a week-long trial. It involved much dust, whining, and several threats.
Dante had Nine Levels in Hell.
He had obviously never remodeled.
Trust me, those lower levels reserved for heretics and traitors who are continually eaten by Lucifer and freezing forever in an icy lake — Ha! – that would be a frickin’ holiday compared to having to move all our crap.
And may I confess here? I am cat-like in my nature. Most people think cats are capricious and unpredictable. Ha! I tell you, Ha!
Cats are more rigid and set-in-their-ways than you might imagine. (Ask me sometime what happened when I moved George Frankenkitty’s favorite snooze bed.)
I, too, am set in my ways and, far as I’m concerned, I’ve had about as much fun as I can stand. I want the floor guys done. Done! Dammit! I want my bed back in its normal place! I want to be able to get to the bathroom! I want access to my closet!
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Okay, I’m better now. Except that all the detritus of my life is strewn all over the house. I can’t find anything. If someone came in here and held a gun to my head and said, “Find your heating pad or I’ll kill you,” I would be so dead.
I swear I’m finished with this crazy remodeling crap. That is, until we get the kitchen underway.
Posted in Caroline, Cats, Daily Life, Dammit!, Sin, The Dude | 
9 Comments »
January 26th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I can’t remember where I first saw or heard it . . . but I’m reminded of the old complaint:
“I’ve got my shit together. I’ve always had my shit together.
“I just can’t lift it.”
January 26th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
My brain hurts in sympathetic pulsing rhythm, dudessa.
I hope I never have to move. Or if I do, I hope all my stuff just falls into a wormhole and pops out the other side, right where it’s supposed to go. (With, of course, all the stuff I no longer want or need magically vaporized as an energy source for the transference.)
January 26th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Brad’s quote is from the real (1974) version of The Longest Yard,
Out of Burt Reynolds, via Tracy Keenan Wynn
January 26th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Well, I know you had a reason to be gone, but I’m glad you’re back, so that I can say:
The Amazing Bubbles is the coolest of the new Aces in “Inside Straight!” I dug the hell out of your contribution, and I can’t wait for the next book!
As for packrattery . . . I’m not, you know, totally awful about it. I can throw away anything . . . except a book. But throwing away (or giving away, or in any fashion allowing to leave my possession) a book is, in fact, a mortal sin in my opinion — and I’m an atheist!
January 26th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
(Smacking forehead) Of course! Thanks, Ken. (Especially embarrassing since I mentioned The Longest Yard in my comment on Caroline’s “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” post.)
And I agree with Christopher re: The Amazing Bubbles.
January 26th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
I feel your pain, Caroline.
Today the Spouse and I ordered new kitchen cabinets and selected the appliances for our New Kitchen. The cabinet guy kept saying “Of course, it’s chancy ordering the cabinets until you’ve begun demolition” (at which point there will be no kitchen until the cabinets appear, eight weeks later). It’s all terrifying and exhilarating. I’m going to have an oven that holds a steady temperature. Wow.
Of course, I realize that in the meantime we’ve just signed on for a Big Bucket O’ Hell. So look over your shoulder, Caroline; you’ll probably see me there.
January 26th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
The two things we did before we bought our house that saved a lot of grief was to renovate the kitchen and replace the windows (between Margene, Jim and I, we owned two houses, and one was one that had been bought in a nice location in 1983, we owed 30,000 on it and sold it for a hair over 100,000).
The kitchen demo was not bad (well except where they had to bash the z-brick off the plaster walls, but I have a friend who restored the plaster) because the original kitchen was stupid.
The windows were one of the nastiest jobs I’ve ever seen, all kinds of icky shit came out of the window frames/sills. They actually had a young man on the team just for cleaning up. (it was summer, he was probably son of one of the adult crew)
On the other hand, we should have rented a dumpster before we moved because we have boxes and boxes crap in the basement we haven’t even looked at in 6.5 years.
good luck.
January 27th, 2008 at 2:33 am
Back in Elgin, we redecorated our office (aka bedroom #3). That was horrific, what with laying out a series of horizontal stripes all around the room (what can I say, I was mentally ill at the time and thought it was a swell idea), and laying new flooring. Never did get the molding repainted and replaced before we ended up selling the house and moving up here.
January 27th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Morgan,
Thanks for the sympathy. Heaven knows I’ll need it.
Christopher,
I’m so tickled that you like Bubbles. I’ve had a lot of fun writing her. And there’s more of her (as it were) in the next book.
Mad, Paula, and Casey,
Misery so loves company — thank heavens I’ve got plenty.