Over at her blog, Kristine Kathryn Rusch has been writing a series of ongoing posts called The Feelancer’s Survival Guide. This weeks post is about Jealousy and the line I’ve bolded below really struck me–like with a brick to the head struck me.
But jealousy isn’t about “them.” It’s about you. What you want. What you’re missing. And it’s also about your attitude.
We’ll get to the attitude in a minute. You can find the key to what you want and what you’re missing once you figure out what’s making you jealous. You might think you’re jealous of your friend’s lovely store, when really, you’re jealous of your friend’s thriving business—the one that allowed her to remodel her store in such a gorgeous fashion.
Figure out what it is that you are truly jealous of and you have the key to your own heart. [emphasis mine]
Then, figure out how the person you’re jealous of got that thing that makes you jealous. Here are the unacceptable answers in this category: Oh, she’s more talented than I am. Oh, she’s prettier than I am. Oh, she’s luckier than I am. Oh, she’s more devious than I am.
Those comparisons do no one any good. You have to step out of your emotional framework which is (sorry) I want what you have and I can’t have it. Waaa! and become a full fledged professional. You have to calm down and look at the other person’s situation dispassionately.
There are 43 posts/chapters in her series so far. Go here for the table of contents.