Sorry, guys, but this is the angsty self-absorbed post that I threatened you all with a couple weeks ago. My unfunny ‘True Christian Conservatives’ post a few weeks back was perhaps a prequel to this one. I think I have to spit out the poison before I can move on to more enjoyable and interesting writings. Feel free to quit reading when you get bored.

Throughout my life, I’ve often thought that my attitudes and major concerns were on the fringe, only to discover, dismayingly, that I was in the middle of the bell curve. I don’t like feeling ‘normal’.

So I’m asking for a reality check from my fellow Brainiacs today, because for once, I’m hoping that I’m just insane, and could use some bucking up and advice about where to go from where I find myself.

All of us who post here have radically dropped off in participation since this past Spring. There are some obvious reasons. Many of us have been so busy with work that we’ve had little energy left to give to EOB. I know that I’ve also felt ‘written out’, needing to refill the well of interesting ideas.

But I’ve also been generally lethargic and withdrawn in a lot of areas of my life. I find it difficult to complete projects that require a lot of concentration and multiple steps. I don’t answer email. I deliberately withdraw and isolate, even more than usual. I have this odd sort of flattened depression much of the time, where I’m not so much overtly saddened as just blunted in my responses to everything. (This is all diagnosable in DSM-IV, incidentally.)

There are some personal life events that have contributed, but it’s this goddam election season that seems to be driving it.

The past eight years have been nearly unendurable, as we watched almost everything good and decent and functional in our country attacked and, largely, demolished. Lotsa depression and rage for all of us to share, I think. And now it feels like the norm.

But it looks like we’re about to see a tidal wave of electoral change happen (assuming that this series of elections doesn’t get stolen, too, of course…). Why am I not happy?

Even if Obama wins with 350+ electoral votes, even if we get another 30+ congressscritters, even if we elect a filibuster-proof 60 Senators, I’m disheartened.

And, no, it’s not about knowing that Obama won’t be the new messiah, or knowing that we’ll still be governed largely by corruptible self-serving sociopaths. Since my stereotypical radicalization in the idealized Sixties, I’ve been clear that anyone who strives for huge amounts of power and/or money is broken and dangerous, so that’s not a problem for me.

It’s taken me a while to sort through the wreckage that is my mental process, but I think I’ve identified the central issue.

It’s not really about the politics per se.

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