My Top Ten Zombie Haikus — RELOADED
July 13th, 2008 by 
Rory Harper
Thanks to the kindness of ‘persky’, who has actually memorized all of our posts here, word for word, and sent me a typed copy of them, we can begin to recover the Sacred Works that were lost in our recent server crash. I’ll be posting them over the next day or so, along with the comments. The original posters will likely have to re-add the associated graphics.
Mucho props and big sloppy wet kisses to persky!!!!
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This is so obvious that I’m amazed that we haven’t done it before.
Maybe we haven’t because it’s so obvious…
And I swear to Romero that I didn’t hit Google and notice that there are 2,800 hits for the phrase ‘Zombie Haiku’ before I wrote this.
:
She’s making more mac and cheese
Needs a cup of brains
:
Since zombies can’t swim
We thought the island was safe
But the damned things float
:
My son’s doctor said
Teen zombie ADHD
Is cured by shotguns
:
Being eaten hurts
Sadly, you don’t have a choice
Vicodin might help
:
Safe sex with zombies
Requires more than a condom
Abstinence is best
:
No motorcycle?
Don’t say I didn’t warn you
Now you’re really screwed
:
Zombie politics –
When we’re the majority
You’ll see some real change
:
Your touch has grown cold
The romance has died, my dear
Kiss my flamethrower
:
Your brain smells soooo good
I’m allergic to shampoo
Shave your head for me?
:
I just now noticed
That Republican undead
All look like McCain
:
Okay, fine — so they’re not all staggering works of genius. Let’s see you do better.
:
And – Here’s a bonus haiku just for you:
I’m not a zombie
But food is scarce since the plague
You smell better each day
:
Posted in Daily Life | 
July 13th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
These are the comments reloaded, in reverse order, because I’m too old and feeble to straighten them out right now.
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Comment on My Top Ten Zombie Haikus by James Hollaman
Date:Wednesday 02 July 2008 16:21
Author:James Hollaman
brains, brains, brains, brains, brains
brains, brains, brains, brains, brains, brains, brains
brains, brains, brains, mmmm brains
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Comment on My Top Ten Zombie Haikus by Sean Craven
Date:Tuesday 01 July 2008 09:23
Author:Sean Craven
Again, I’m an idiot. It’s Night Shade Books, the one’s who put out the latest Walter Jon Williams novel…
www.nightshadepress.com
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Comment on My Top Ten Zombie Haikus by Rory Harper
Date:Monday 30 June 2008 20:44
Author:Rory Harper
And the hits keep on comin’.
Thanks, guys!
:
Damn those fast zombies!
Slow zombies moan forlornly
And lick empty skulls
:
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Comment on My Top Ten Zombie Haikus by Josh
Date:Monday 30 June 2008 19:46
Author:Josh
zombeh lolcat moans
can haz more brains plz kay thankz
horrifically cute
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Comment on My Top Ten Zombie Haikus by Sean Craven
Date:Monday 30 June 2008 15:31
Author:Sean Craven
step scrape step scrape step
this is taking forever
I like the fast ones
organic free range
cubical monkeys are good
say shambling vegans
it’s not zombie
it’s anthro-vegetarian
see, Mr. Livemeat?
hot, raw, and screaming
I used to eat McDonalds
this is much better
streets empty but for
the cannibal corpse fun fair
it’s my kind of town
(That’s not haiku! You’re just counting syllables!)
Cartoon birds and hearts and flowers flying around my head, dude. Good one.
And for the record, I declare allegiance to:
Night of the Living Dead (original)
Dead Alive
Cemetery Man
Shaun of the Dead (a zombie movie the missus will watch voluntarily)
Re-Animator
Dawn of the Dead (remake)
And it looks like Twi Light Press is going to be releasing a compiled volume of the Skipp and Spector edited zombie anthologies…
Now I need to floss.
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Comment on My Top Ten Zombie Haikus by John H.
Date:Monday 30 June 2008 15:28
Author:John H.
Poor Vegan Zombies
Anorexic skeletal
Found out brains are meat
I really am trying to stop…… Qapla’ John
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Comment on My Top Ten Zombie Haikus by Josh
Date:Monday 30 June 2008 13:58
Author:Josh
Clad in leather chaps
Zombie bikers ride with glee
Helmetless of course
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Comment on My Top Ten Zombie Haikus by Madeleine Robins
Date:Monday 30 June 2008 00:36
Author:Madeleine Robins
Brains in sauternes
Dr. Lector likes them fried
but I like them raw.
I love you, Rory.
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Comment on My Top Ten Zombie Haikus by Rory Harper
Date:Sunday 29 June 2008 19:29
Author:Rory Harper
I may not be able to turn this part of my damaged brain off easily, now that I’ve started…
:
Have to shoot Dad soon
Makes me do my homework, so
He’s a zombie, right?
:
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Comment on My Top Ten Zombie Haikus by Rory Harper
Date:Sunday 29 June 2008 18:42
Author:Rory Harper
Thanks for the replies and haikus, guys!
No reason not to keep ‘em coming…..
:
I barely recall
I used to be like you all
I once loved ice cream
:
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Comment on My Top Ten Zombie Haikus by John H.
Date:Sunday 29 June 2008 18:24
Author:John H.
burning with passion
Zombie bodies intertwine
in macabre coitus
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Comment on My Top Ten Zombie Haikus by Mike
Date:Sunday 29 June 2008 09:39
Author:Mike
George A. Romero presents
Michael P. Whalen’s
“Haiku of the Dead”
uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh
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Comment on My Top Ten Zombie Haikus by Rachael
Date:Sunday 29 June 2008 08:27
Author:Rachael
This is an awesome post!
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Comment on My Top Ten Zombie Haikus by Becca
Date:Sunday 29 June 2008 07:01
Author:Becca
Shambling along
Something falls off my forearm
Necrosis bites ass
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Comment on My Top Ten Zombie Haikus by N.G.
Date:Saturday 28 June 2008 23:02
Author:N.G.
That’s awesome, Rory!
Really funny, too.
July 13th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
I have no more brains
Rory has sucked them all out
You may eat my shorts
July 22nd, 2008 at 3:06 pm
And now for some Iambic pentameter…
Shall I compare thee to a zombie? Nay,
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough skins do shape the rotting brains of May,
And zombie’s lurch hath all too short a gait.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm’d;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature’s changing course untrimm’d;
But thy eternal hunger shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander’st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow’st:
So long as men eat brains or eye candy,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
Mind you, I only changed about ten words from the original…
July 26th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
This is all so very terrifying.
Now please pass me Mr. Denton’s shorts.
July 27th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Yay, Erin visited!
You noticed, I hope, that I sucked up to you in the very first haiku…