About fifteen years ago, Maxwell House came out with a bottled “iced cappuccino” here in the States called Cappio. It was available in several flavors, including cinnamon, vanilla, and mocha . . . and man, I loved that stuff. Especially the mocha, which tasted as if coffee and cocoa had made sweet, sweet love to produce a God-Child who had descended to Earth for the sole purpose of making my poor tired brain happy again. World without End, Ah-men. Ahhhh-mennn.
It was moderately kinda sorta expensive, but it sure was tasty. Smooth, sweet, and a kick like a mule wearing velvet horseshoes. Hoo boy.
Then one day it went on sale. Everywhere. So I bought up a bunch, never thinking that maybe itÂ was on sale for a Reason.
The Reason, of course, turned out to be that it had sold like crap at a stable-shovelers convention. So less than two years after introducing it, General Foods stopped making it for the U.S. market. All the stores put their stock on sale so they could clear the shelves for whatever came next.
The result: Once I knocked back my little stash, that was it. No more Soup for me.
A decade and a half later, all of the bottled iced coffee drinks on the U.S. market taste as if theyâ€™ve been filtered through a stevedoreâ€™s shorts. And they apparently sell like crazy despite being more costly than heroin. (Okay, maybe not the best heroin. But still â€“ two bucks for a six-and-a-half ounce Doubleshot? Iâ€™d ask how those rapacious bastards sleep at night, except Iâ€™m pretty sure they donâ€™t.)