And you know how much I admire Brittle Innings, and Mr. Bishop.

I think (think) I can truthfully say that I’ve never uttered any of the phrases on your first list, Caroline.

As for the second . . . it made me blow Shiner Blonde out my nose. Although you’ve clearly left out So Many, especially those that specifically piss off Bass Players:

13. Bass Solo!
14. Thank God you moved; I thought you were dead.
15. Why don’t you play this part on the B string?
16. Or better yet, the High E?
17. “Sweet Jane”!
18. Take another twelve, Rory! (or Warren, or Brad, or [insert name of current wanking guitarist])
19. You know what band I really loved? The Doors.
20. Bass Solo!

I’ll vote for Unicorn Mountain over Brittle Innings, but stand with Rory and you on The Queen’s Gambit as the best autobiography Tevis wrote. (And a much more fun chess novel than, say, Brad Leithauser’s Hence.)

I remain convinced that there is a use—no I’ve never found it, which may be why I’m still alive—for “Actually, that does make you look fat.”

It would require (1) that the piece of clothing be a fashion disaster obvious enough to notice, (2) that the piece of clothing do nothing for the body in question, and (3) that there is enough time for the following explosion, the inevitable change of clothes, and a cool down period (i.e., she’s getting ready for a GNO and you’re already committed to putting the kids to bed).

Used once, it would give some credibility to all of those other “No, dear, it doesn’t make you look fat” declarations.

The problem is that the Venn diagram of times when it would work and be remembered with a soupcon of fondness against the times when it would just lead to a visit from the police and a leg of lamb being cooked for dinner is a picture not even Jessica Hagy would try to draw.

12. Hey, let’s surprise everybody at our next gig. Instead of doing those boring cover tunes, let’s play nothing but our original songs.

************

I really adore ‘Queen’s Gambit’, Caroline. Just re-read it a month or so ago. I’m pretty sure that my copy actually belongs to Martha Wells; I’ve stolen it from her, I think…

A book that gives me the same high, but, frankly, much, much more, is Frank Conroy’s ‘Body and Soul’.