Yeah, yeah, I know, I missed my post for last week and Iâ€™m late this week.Â And Iâ€™m so freaking lazy that Iâ€™m stealing my blog idea for this week from The Dude.
Yes, I am THAT lame.
(In my defense, I have a very good reason for last weekâ€™s crapping out. And as for this week, itâ€™s early Thanksgiving — at my house.)
The Dude is an inveterate list maker.Â He makes lists of his favorite books, movies, and actresses heâ€™s got a crush on who were born no later than 1910.Â I make lists that involve groceries, errands, and bill paying.
Obviously, his lists are more fun.
So, Iâ€™m embracing my inner Dude and going to leave you with a couple of lists of my own — though the items on said lists are not in order of preference or importance.
Things not to say to your wife/girlfriend:
1. What did you do to your hair?
2. Actually, that does make you look fat.
3. I think youâ€™re overreacting.
4. Yes, â€œXâ€ is prettier than you.
5. The house looks fine.Â My mother wonâ€™t notice if the place isnâ€™t clean.
6. Is it right before your period?
7. Did you lose weight?
8. Did you gain weight?
9. Oh my God, Edyta Sliwinska has a smoking hot bod.Â (Which is true, but must it be commented on every time she appears on TV?)
10. Are you sure youâ€™re not on your period?
Things not to say when youâ€™re in a band:
1. This is my girlfriend, Yoko.
2. Youâ€™ve been playing it in E? I thought we were playing it in F# minor.
3. Letâ€™s make â€œCocaineâ€ our ten-minute jam song. (In all fairness, only the bass player will want to kill you.)
4. I think youâ€™re turned up too loud.
5. Youâ€™re not turned up enough.
6. You know what would really make our sound?Â An accordion.
7. Well, sheâ€™s not a good singer, but sheâ€™s HOT!
8. I think we should go for a combination of Led Zeppelin and Maurice Chevalier.
9. Letâ€™s cover â€œMy Heart Will Go On.â€
10. This is my girlfriend, Yoko.
The Short List:
The â€œGo Toâ€ books when I need something wonderful to read:
Brittle Innings by Michael Bishop
Queenâ€™s Gambit by Walter Tevis
Geek Love by Katherine Dunne