In the paper this morning, the lead article in the Metro-State section was on the sentencing of Paul Ross Evans for leaving bombs at abortion clinics here in Austin. Evans got 40 years.

As part of the sentencing, the judge gave Evans a chance to explain himself.  After struggling to articulate his “beliefs” Evans finally said, “If I had to do it all over again, I would change everything about it.  I never meant for anyone, except for the abortionists, to get hurt.”

Oh, well, I feel so much better now.

Because when I go for my Pap smear, knowing that I might be killed by hundreds of nails being driven through my body by the blast of a propane tank, I will be comforted to know that I wasn’t the f****** target.

And I’m sure that the doctors, nurses, office workers, and cleaning staff who worked at that clinic also felt better upon hearing that Evans was only after the abortionists.  Gosh, all the wailing about, “He could have killed us all.”  I mean, he didn’t mean it.  Cry babies.

And now for another asshole who should have kept his mouth shut: Johnny Rotten (nee, Lydon). Yes, everyone’s favorite former Sex Pistol who didn’t die of an overdose after stabbing his girlfriend to death.

Mr. Lydon is now supposedly a “provocateur.”  Oh, please.  He’s a pissy little bitch.  The same as he was when he and his “band” were created by Malcolm McLaren and Vivienne Westwood. The Sex Pistols were every bit as manufactured as the Monkees.  And at least the Monkees had some talent.

Mr. Lydon’s recent foray into opinion comes from a recent issue of Spin Magazine:

“The Ramones to me were never really punk; they were closer to Status Quo,” he opines. “The record company wanted to shove us into that CBGB’s world of New York, but that’s a world of foolishness.”

And further into the interview:

“I never liked any of the Clash stuff, though,” he says. “And I never considered the Clash punk. Joe [Strummer] was alright. He was very sweet-natured. But he came from a different music background. He’d already tried the pub-band circuit, so he hopped onto punk.”

Where to begin?

Okay, let’s start with calling two of the most seminal bands from the punk era, “not really punk.”

Jesus, I know Lydon’s blind as a bat (I read his mediocre biography where he details in loving minutia all his physical infirmities. Yawn.), utterly without musical talent, and a self-important dickweed, but I didn’t realize he was also a congenital idiot.

Both the Clash and the Ramones were considered to be the vanguard of the punk movement.  For some reason the Sex Pistols are included in this, though why this is, quite simply, is a puzzlement beyond all understanding.

The Ramones and the Clash were both musically talented.  Their stripped-down music was a reaction to the over-produced, slick, studio-engineered music of the late sixties and early seventies. 

The Sex Pistols were a craven experiment created by a dress designer to pimp his sex apparel shop.

The idea that the Sex Pistols – bereft of talent and only having sullen disappointment to bear them up – are commonly put in the same category as the Ramones and the Clash is depressing as hell. 

It’s well-documented that the Ramones (who formed in 1974) took the London punk scene by storm in 1976 during a tour of the U.K.  From a seminal performance opening for the Flaming Groovies, they lit a fire under the nascent punk movement in the U.K.  Both the Clash and the Sex Pistols attended performances by the Ramones during this tour.  How Lydon can say that the Ramones weren’t punk defies logic and history. 

The reason Lydon’s self-puffery pisses me off?  During their lifetime, the Ramones never got the credit they deserved.  But Lydon continues to make sure that he and the Pistols get more than their share.  Every so often, he pops into the spotlight to hawk his newest money-making project (biography, Sex Pistol reunion) with his snotty, bullshit pretension and his “The Sex Pistols were the only real punk band” line of patter. 

The truth is that the Sex Pistols were basically a punk “boy band” that had great marketing.

It’s enough to make me hurl.

The Sex Pistols were all about the attire and the attitude.  Their music is unbearable. I guess a talentless hack like Lydon just doesn’t understand.

Punk wasn’t about having a screaming tantrum into a mic.  Punk wasn’t dressing in the right clothes.  Punk was a throwback to the days when a rock-and-roll band could make music with three chords, great lyrics, and moxie.  It also may have been an attempt to “Grow some balls back on rock n’ roll.”  But at the end of the day, it was punk rock music.  That’s MUSIC, bitch.  And the Ramones and the Clash made a world of it. 

Oh, I feel better now . . .