Last year when I was at Conestoga, I went across the street to pick up some stuff at Vann’s. Vann’s is this discount market that has an unusual supply of esoteric foodstuffs as well as more pedestrian goods.

While I was standing in the checkout line, I started looking at the magazines. Little did I know what lay there that could strike dread in the heart of a vicious crank like moi.

See, there were these teen magazines. By that I mean magazines that were ostensibly aimed at teenagers, but would actually appeal to the “tween” crowd. (Tweens are ten to fourteen-year-olds. They’re considered a separate demographic. Ain’t marketing wonderful?) What caught my eye in the magazine I actually bought was a collection of small pictures at the bottom of the cover. Pictures of – sweet nattering Jesus – Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan.

You know, there are some things that just should not be sold in Barbie-pink to eleven-year-old girls. And two of them are Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan.

Even a year ago, before the endless rehab trips and the jail sentence for driving while being a massive asshole, I thought it was inappropriate for these “celebutantes” to be paraded on the pages of a kids’ magazine.

In a two-page splashy spread (wow, there’s a choice of words) the fabu editors gave chatty dish about the “feud” between these two appalling examples of femininity.

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